“CONNECT” Smooth 98.1
Welcome to CONNECT on smooth 98.1. Today i feel the need to encourage family to keep going on and defend their marriage. I’ll offer this encouragement by exposing myself. Now, Tiwa and I have been married nearly 11years. And i think i should say this first, that my wife is a better spouse than i am. Though people around us believe contrary in that they believe i am probably the greatest husband they know, it is a duty i owe myself to remind me of the difference between what people think of me and who i really am. I know that what most people think of me is not always totally true because they see me on my privileged platform as a public figure. It is my duty to remind myself of the difference between my reputation and my character. While my reputation is what people see me do in public and rate me by; the strength of my character can only be judged by two variables: What God see me do and what my wife and kids know about me. So, I must honestly say that i have not been and i am not the best husband around. I will not even like to think i am a model husband. I leave that judgement to my God, my wife, my children and posterity to judge.
I say this with all sense of meaning and all sense of responsibility; not because i want to sound humble. I do hope that someday, i will be able to beat my chest to say i am the best. But today, i continue to live with a commitment to always take myself to the place where something started and to ask myself if the results I’m getting are the ones i desired from the very beginning. It allows me to close the gaps per discovery, and to get better and better. I’m more interested and committed to the idea of getting better daily, than the futile misery of working for perfection. This commitment will continue to guide me by God’s grace as i navigate a preferred future.
My top advice for couples today is this: Great couples must accept, protect, defend and promote what i call the law of the first attempt. It means if you have no experience in managing or functioning within a defined role, your judges and performance evaluating audience must employ a kind of understanding that underscores the errors and imperfections that comes with the new experience. So, for a marriage situation, since most couples have not married before, the marriage deserves some investment of patience, understanding and tolerance. Couples must therefore give each other the benefit of the doubt that inspires a confidence that comes from allowing each other make mistakes and learning from it. By this, i’m not talking about high-risk behaviours such as adultery and betrayal, those are not mistakes, they are scripts. I’m talking of mistakes of interpretation of intent, courtesy and respect, time use, financial management, resource control and all of that. Great couples understand that everyone have their on and off moments; and so they must resist the temptation to get angry and express anger at the slightest provocation.
Great couples deal with what is going wrong, not who is going wrong—they do so because they know each will always go wrong. Great couples don’t try to change each other. You must give your spouse the freedom to be the kind of person he or she is. These little thoughts will make a difference for the peace of your home…any home. My goal today is to encourage a couple out there not to give up. I’m the kind of person that people show a lot of respect and admiration for on a daily basis. There’s an assumption that marriages like ours are immune to marital pain and crisis. But what’s working for me is this: Long before i met Tiwa and especially from the moment it was clear we will get married, i made a promise to myself to give my best to my marriage and my parenting. I resolved to love my wife and inspire my family the best way i can possibly do. I didn’t know what was ahead, or how i will behave in the future ahead of me at that time but i did know what i will not do in that future. I didn’t know how exactly our marriage will turn out but i did know how exactly it must not turn out. I didn’t want a divorce and i still don’t want it. I also don’t want a separation either. I also didn’t want my kids to turn out wild or as disappointments. So, i had made up my mind to do whatever it will take me to keep my home together in love, peace and harmony. This commitment has helped me to focus on the needful regardless of how i feel or what the odds are. God is helping and it can only get better. We keep investing the efforts; and really that’s all we all need to do and keep doing.
The strength of this is sacrifice, love and discipline. It is only as we serve a higher purpose like this that we can continually stay true to the kind of life we want and the kind of persons our families can be proud of.