“CONNECT” Smooth 98.1
Today is Thursday and i try to keep it real for families on Thursdays. Last Thursday on the show, i emphasized that the wisdom in human exchange is to understand that all relationships require work. Peace has a price. And prejudice has a cost. But those who must see and experience value must know that harmony and cohesion does not just occur. They take time, patience, and two people who are willing to put in the effort. Today, i’ll keep the promise i made to continue from last week to share the things i believe your marriage and your family needs from you. Note that i’m not talking to a couple now. No. I’m talking to you alone. You are enough to create a turnaround in your home. I’m talking to you as the husband or the wife. Then, i’m also talking to those hoping to occupy either of these two offices soon. I’m talking to you alone. Victory is personal, and once your part is played, you have the right to expect the energy of life to reorganize situations and circumstances to begin to work in the direction of your dominant expectations. It’s nature. It’s the design of life, and it works.
For me, these things are debts that you owe. In the best marriage, pain and disappointments do exist, but a resolve must also exist such that no matter how demanding it is, you will also focus more on the parts of it that bring joy, meaning and fulfilment.
Top on the list of what you owe your marriage is attention. You owe your relationships, and indeed your marriage and your family the attention their individuality deserves. Attention by the way is the creative and passionate use of your time, energy and resources in the direction of those you consider valuable. And neglect based on lack of attention damages marriages far more often than malicious abuse. There’s nothing more vital to the bond you share with your spouse than simply being there. When we pay attention to each other, we breathe new life into each other. With frequent attention and affection, marriages flourish, and the individuals grow stronger. This is the side effect of a good relationship – we help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s strengths. Marriage is worth the extra effort. And it’s wise not to wait for your spouse to do what you like before you share your time, energy and resources.
Next is trust. The entire fabric of our society – people working, living and breathing together – relies on the positive beliefs we have about each other – a subtle, inherent trust. This trust is the glue that holds every peaceful civilization together. Which is why trust is the greatest compliment you can give a person. The only way to build this trust, or find out if someone is trustworthy, is to trust them. When you do this in marriage, without a doubt, you’ll automatically get two results: A friend for life or a lesson for life. Either way, the outcome is positive.
Next is honesty. When your intentions are good and your cause is just, honesty will always help you. When your heart is open to love and truth, your lips will not utter lies that haunt you. When couples are honest with each other up front, the truth may hurt sooner, but the suffering always dies faster, and out of this suffering comes growth and blessings. Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want in a marriage and how you want to be treated. The bottom line is that marriages don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and twisting reality until it screws with someone’s emotions is what hurts. Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of your own. If you are unsure in any way, be sure to say so. Always be open and honest.
Next is loyalty. Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments. Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light. You can’t promise to be there for someone for the rest of their life, but you can sincerely be there for them for the rest of yours. When it comes to marriage, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.
Next is Teamwork. The most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting others half way. You will achieve far more by working with people, rather than working alone or against them. That’s what healthy relationships are all about – teamwork. The strength of every marriage depends on the strength of its members, and the strength of each member depends on the quality of their relationships. Anyone who helps you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through passion, love and teamwork, is a precious friend and teacher. You can be such a person for your spouse. Connect with him or her, and conquer the world together. This is a great gift in marriage.
Next is Acceptance. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if it seems perfect now, it won’t always be. Imperfection, however, is real and beautiful. It’s how two people accept and deal with the imperfections of a relationship that make it ideal. Since perfect behaviour does not exist in any human, our best love cannot and must not be earned by perfect behaviour. The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations. They must appreciate their similarities and respect their differences. Then, Forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues to which you should always seek. Imagine if everyone you knew was willing both to apologize and to accept an apology. Is there any problem that you all would not be able to solve? The willingness to admit that we are all human, and to forgive sincerely, is a sign of your emotional strength and maturity. Ultimately, this forgiveness is for you. It sets you free from the shackles of the past so you can take the future in stride. If it is true that not one of us is perfect, then ignoring to forgive must be a silly choice. All i have shared here is nature. It’s the design of life, and it works. And to end the show today again, i want you to know that after over a decade of marriage, my best lessons are that God is faithful, love is a choice, peace is always within reach and marriage is science. I hope i’ve helped a bit. I wish you well. I wish your marriage well.