Dealing with these CONSTANTS in MARRIAGE and FAMILY: CRISIS and CONFLICTS
This piece is quite critical for every relationship; whether at work, in the family, marriage, in parenting, dating or wherever. To drive it home, it’s important I emphasize a common truth that crisis and conflicts are constants in life—that, regardless of status of any kind and at any level, a constant thing in every relationship will be conflicts. No matter who you are or what you have or don’t have; no matter how moral you are or even how knowledgeable, the potential for the experience of conflicts and crises are a constant. Perfect behavior eludes mankind and no peace exists amongst humans based on perfect behavior. We really cannot over-emphasize this.
Now, while conflict is sure, apology is golden. Apology is an amazing tool given by God for humans to use as a therapeutic system that incubates peace and harmony. Apology is a tool for creating peace, it is not peace. Apology gives the opportunity for peace, if well managed by both the one giving the apology and the person receiving the apology. Malice and unforgiveness continue to plague human relationships and create strife only because humans have not fully come to the ultimate human state of displaying empathy. Apology is one of the critical ways for measuring remorse, true forgiveness and maturity. Interestingly, while humans struggle with malice, strife and unforgiveness, animals seem to be programmed for the opposite. In the jungle, the energy for conflicts resolution amongst animals of the same species is amazing. In the jungle, animals don’t keep malice. They do have conflicts in fact, more often than humans, but the energy for going forward without strife is automated. Humans should learn. To be honest, the display of malice, strife and unforgiveness is a weak idea of exchange. To now pride oneself in one’s capacity for these negatives is the most classical way to define smallness, inner poverty and immaturity.
Now, only a lunatic or a confident fool can express shock at what is normal and react to it in any way that displays total surprise. I mean, if something is normal, it is obvious. If it is obvious, it has lost its capacity to deliver shock or a shocking effect. For example, your name is Fred. It is therefore normal to be called Fred because that is your name. it is obvious. If your dad says “Good morning Fred”…this is your dad here o…I know you can only respond normally by saying “Good morning sir…” or something. I don’t know what you will say actually, but I know what you will not say or do. You will not be shocked that you heard your name from your dad and you will not react negatively or display surprise. Why? Because it is a normal experience to hear your dad call your name. the point is made.
If conflicts are a normal part of human exchange, it should not arrest our emotions so deeply when it occurs to the extent that only with malice, strife and unforgiveness can we relate to it. To allow it for minutes is weakness, to take it to bed and keep it for days is evil. Malice, strife, beef, unforgiveness and the likes are really for the weak. As a matter of fact, new research has revealed that unforgiveness, resentments, maliciousness and the likes are capable of health damage, like heart attacks, coronary diseases and many more. Research has it that 87% to 95% of the illnesses that plague us today are a direct result of our thought life. What we think about affects us physically and emotionally. To be honest, each of us should begin to work to become allergic to small behaviors like malice and its cohorts. It’s a wise and more peaceful way to exist; and its worth considering before it is too late. Malice only hurts its owner! And unforgiveness only withdraws peace and goodwill from you. Why hurt yourself really? And why reserve terrible diseases for yourself in the future?
The way to go is to allow your mind to embrace another kind of consciousness that defends your personal peace, incubate peace in your environment and increase society’s potential for togetherness, synergy and collaboration. It works for everybody and everywhere. And most critically, it works for families. The family is the environment that holds the greatest potential for familiarity; because the average human will spend more time with family than anywhere else in existence. Therefore, nowhere else exposes our differences than the family unit.
Between marriage and parenting, all of our maturity is tested almost on a daily basis. What’s certain is that people will not always say or do all you want. And People will not always act right. And what you want will not always be what is right. Those who never offend you, or those who forever do all you say or want, are the very species you should run from. They are your undiscovered adversaries. And very soon, your pain and hurt will reveal their true intention to you. Apology is the take off point for establishing rhythm and peace. It works. The way to engage it is to first of all accept that the wisest person is always the one that apologizes first, even when he or she is right. There are two things to apologize for: its either you apologize for the wrong you create or for the terrible way the other person feels even when you are right, or for both; depending on the circumstance. And when you apologize, find and use adjectives and actions that clearly communicate your remorse or understanding of the other person’s feelings. You lose nothing when you apologize, instead, you show strength.
This does not also mean you ignore the need to allow people feel the necessary emotions their naughtiness or wrong deserves; but you can always display more strength by letting the person know that while you may even be right, you care too much to see others hurt, even when they deserve their hurt. It’s maturity. Crisis is sure but your peace is your choice. Stop expressing shock. If human beings are perfect, forgiveness as a word will be unnecessary. Apology and forgiveness are free commodities. They should be freely given. You will soon need to be forgiven as well, trust me. Forgiveness is dutiful. THIS IS THE LIFE!