Category Archives: Family, Relationships & Marriage
GOOD is POSSIBLE
I have always said that Knowledge is a critical resource for victory at any level. Knowledge is the foundation of intelligence. And intelligence is required for any level of warfare regardless of the kind. Knowledge is more than important. It takes you beyond where you can ever imagine, it reduces your error rate, it keeps you safe and helps you maximize your greatest potential. Knowledge is the take off point of any kind of value. In the 2000s, knowledge is the essential tool for managing complexities. Because when complexities are intensified, there is always a greater and greater demand on knowledge. Equally, the greatest challenge of society is the family institution. And the family institution has suffered consistently all through history simply because the children of yesterday who lacked adequate upbringing are now the adults of today and will create the children of today and the adults of tomorrow, and the vicious cycle continues.
So, ignorance is the common ingredient all through generations. But note that this ignorance is not the ignorance of all things but the ignorance of key things. Just as we do not need a bunch of keys to open a door but the right key, so we do not need the knowledge of all things to organize the society. Instead, we need the knowledge of key things; and the family is key. The crisis of the family is the crisis of the nation and the crisis of the nation is the crisis of the family. And if there is any tool that weakens the potential to build great families, it is the place of correction. If you ask me, what is the one thing that if you can learn, can increase your capacity and potential for success in building a great family? What can increase your success potential by almost 70% as far as building a family is concerned? I believe the answer will be: correction. You see, misbehavior is a constant and error is nature. Perfect behaviour eludes humanity so much that even you as a full blown adult sometimes still misbehaves and makes clear mistakes. Our individual and collective peace must not; I repeat must not be tied to perfect behaviour since none of us can be perfect. If this is true, correction also becomes critical to manage a reality as constant as imperfect behaviour. If you lack the skill to administer correction, you will be miserable, frustrated and depressed.
All through history, families have never been destroyed until they get the correction skill wrong. Now, there is this terrible assumption that punishment is correction. Punishment is never correction. Correction is a skill while punishment is an imbalance in nature in that any fool can punish. You don’t need formal training to know how to punish, you only need to be born; but you need education and training for you to know how to correct; it is not a gift of nature. It is a skill that must be learnt. While everybody can sleep for example and anyone can determinedly wake up at a particular time, to perform surgery, you need more than determination. Determination without skill in the surgery theatre is murder…clean murder and an honest and sincere jail term. Determination to correct without skill in the home is a vice. The goal of punishment is to acknowledge your hurt and to share the pain of your hurt with the offender. It does not by any means transform. On the other hand, the goal of correction is to bring the offender to a human state of acknowledgement of error, remorse, and to govern behaviour in a way that transforms the offender and blesses both his immediate environment and society at large.
Studies have shown that over 90% of parents never correct in their lifetime, they only punish. The reason they don’t correct is simply that they don’t know how.. See, “The plaster should be no wider than the sore.” It’s as simple as that. Punishment never fits the offense and never governs behaviour. To achieve that, actions must be carefully thought out before they are stated or applied, and even then it will be necessary to modify and refine them as they are being used. That’s correction and that takes learning. In the following example, I illustrate how correction and consequences should be selected, applied, and enforced, and describe the principles of behaviour upon which the procedure is based.
Correction demands that we make the decision of whether we want to be right or we want to progress. Punishment underscores how right you are, but correction creates transformation and progress. Now, a 10-year-old boy has been leaving his bike lying in the driveway. His parents frequently have to stop their car, get out and move the bike, then get back in the car and drive into the garage. Not only is this annoying, but a less careful or alert driver might hit or run over the bike. A punisher will give the boy a piece of his mind, a good scolding, a heavy dose of logic, a spanking, and the pronouncement that “If I ever see that bike lying in the driveway again, you won’t see it for a month—if you ever see it again!”. See, this action is obviously worse behaviour than leaving the bike in the driveway.The better way is to decide in advance exactly what the boy is expected to do with his bike. This is correction. It might be as simple as having him put his bike on the lawn, against the house, beside the porch, or out of the way in the garage. This then becomes the expectation of the boy’s behavior. Knowing in advance the expectations of his behavior is fair and is of primary importance.
Next, the parents must decide how to state their expectation to the boy so he fully understands it, and can demonstrate that he understands it! This is best accomplished in a simulation or role playing exercise. But on this altar of punishment, families have been ruined, children wrongly programmed to become malfunctioning adults and society is always the victim. I hope i’ve helped a bit.
SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY is a sacred or prerogative right humans owe to our living. It aims at embracing responsibility and encouraging positive impact on society from organizations and individuals. To be socially responsible is to express acts of kindness that impact only in a way society can be grateful for within a defined area of influence. Organizations have attempted to use a part of their profits to drive social responsibility efforts. It’s called CSR: Corporate Social Responsibility. The drive to impact society and at the same time make profits and stay within the organizations corporate objective has been the greatest challenge of the utter righteousness of the CSR cause. PSR: Personal Social Responsibility seems more compelling and capable of more transformative capacity than CSR can deliver.
Stewardship of private properties is the critical agenda to embrace; and that’s PSR! It is a phenomenon that seeks to give back to the society (on whose platform the individual had thrived). The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation is a PSR (PERSONAL SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY) with a personal commitment to the idea that each individual can make a change within the resources available to it and within whatever sphere of influence it can cover. In January 2000, Bill and his wife Melinda invested $126 million into setting up The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. Currently the Foundation has Asset Trust Endowment of $36.4 billion and made a total grant payment of $26.1 billion since inception making them the highest givers to any cause. Now that’s a way to live isn’t it? I mean, that’s a way to truly live. That’s PSR and we can all do it. When human beings accept responsibility for the societal peace and balance they can individually create, it’s called Personal Social Responsibility and it is the expression of human dignity. When individuals neglect this responsibility for any reason, it is wickedness.
We can each recognize nature’s duty call to us all that we all have a responsibility to be a meaningful part of the development of the world around us by making contributions that people are desperately in need of. It begins with you and I. Greatness can be seen in a committed primary school Teacher delivering value in his sphere of influence or in a billionaire leading mass investments in the prevention of polio. The idea is to recognize that all properties at your disposal are given to you to deploy in a way that helps society. None of us can ever have enough resources to solve all of the world’s problems, but each of us have enough to impact our areas of influence with something as little as blessing someone in need around you with just One Thousand Naira monthly from your salary. Each of us must have something we are doing to empower a world bigger than the one we know and the one we own; no matter how little or big that empowerment is. SURE EMPOWERMENT ACTIVATED is BY FAR MORE VALUABLE than BIG PROMISE of BIG EMPOWERMENT NEVER SEEN. The mission idea is that while none of us can solve all the problems, each of us can all do something. We CAN have a MILLION REASONS for NOT DOING SOMETHING, but NOT ONE EXCUSE. LOVE is a DUTY, KINDNESS is a MUST. And the commitment for you to DO SOMETHING is a NECESSITY for the WEAK and HELPLESS around YOU. Your CONSCIENCE is your GUIDE. Do something. GO!